6:30a.m. I feel Dave get out of bed; can hear Oliver crying in a distant, tunneled kind of way. I’m engulfed in a dream about my mother and I’m so tired, so tired…how can it be six-thirty already? I mean, fuck, I just went to bed.
7:05a.m. Dave is standing over me, rubbing my shoulder, talking to me quietly. He’s leaving for work, the kids are downstairs. Oliver had a nightmare this morning, he slept with us, did you feel him touching your back? He whispers good day wishes, tells me he loves me.
I love you too, Dave, he mimics when all he gets from me in return is mumbling as I ungracefully switch sides, pulling the sheet over my shoulder. The very very last thing I want to do is get out of bed.
7:30a.m. Standing in the bathroom blow drying my hair, looking at my reflection in the mirror. My eyes are puffy and bloodshot. They have baggage, mucho baggage. A rather large zit is screaming from the end of my nose.
When I turn the blow dryer off I hear Oliver shouting, on the verge of tears, that he’s HUNGRY! He wants to eat NOW! I hear Dave telling him to wait for me to come down, hear him pluck his keys from the hook by the door, the screen door swinging shut behind him. I hear Oliver have a mini-tantrum, Julia shouts out in protest – no doubt he smacked her – and I lean against the counter, close my eyes, bracing myself. The day stretches out before me like a highway, its vastness, its emptiness exhausting me. At that moment, there is nothing more I would rather do than crawl back in bed, pull the covers up over my shoulder and sleep, for a really really long time.
I take a deep breath instead, steeling myself against the wide open day, and turn for the stairs.
37 Comments, Comment or Ping
Your husband sounds kind of wonderful.
I know those days though. Can you just shoo the kids outside? When things are going particularly awry for us, taking them out into the fresh air often helps a ton.
August 6th, 2008
How did you get inside my head?
Beautifully written. ;)
August 6th, 2008
those mornings when they’ve started like this and the day stretches wide and long before us – it’s those mornings that i wish there was a magical number to call so we could be whisked away to the land of poolside cocktails.
August 6th, 2008
Wait… your kids sleep in until 6.30am? Seriously? What are they, like pod children or something?
August 6th, 2008
you need some theme music when you descend the stairs. something kick ass, like wrestlers walk out to…
August 6th, 2008
Well I think its great that you actually got out of bed and got yourself dressed. me? I let my kids watch cartoons from 7:30-8:30 while I slept another hour!
August 6th, 2008
*hug* Sending you lots of highly caffeinated thoughts today!
August 6th, 2008
Hope you’re day is turning out to be a good one, and you’re somewhat happy you have to roll out of bed.
August 6th, 2008
Don’t you love to wake up that way? I applaud you getting out of bed though. I guess I am lucky to have a 16 year old I can yell at to get out of bed and watch her brother.
Good Luck today, maybe you can sell them on the corner?
August 6th, 2008
The most wonderful luxury/gift ever is those mornings when I can ease into the day. Few and far between!
August 6th, 2008
Seriously? I dont know how you manage it all. Im gone a good portion of the day, but the few hours I do spent with them, makes me want to ship them off somewhere. A “whinny” child is perhaps the number one thing that makes you want to go back to bed…Hope you day got better….
August 6th, 2008
oh, i so have been there. way too many mornings.
but you make it sound so much prettier.
August 6th, 2008
I hate it when the day starts like this. The days can be oh so long, can’t they!
hugs.
August 6th, 2008
oh, baby girl. i know these mornings so well. they’re only easier to hide for me since there’s no Dave like person to see what happens. (hugs)
August 6th, 2008
How did you know I was going through that TODAY!???
August 6th, 2008
I love that – the wide open day…
August 6th, 2008
Thanks for sharing… I always feel so guilty when my hubby attempts to be gentle with me in the morning and I barely acknowledge… good job for getting up and gittin’ er done!
August 6th, 2008
Morning has broken,
like the first mo-o-orning.
Pimples have blossomed,
like the first zit.
Children are screaming,
praise for the mo-o-ommy,
dragging her ass up,
to face a new day.
August 6th, 2008
isn’t that what TV is for? oh wait….that’s ME!
I so know these feelings. Far too well. Luckily it does get easier when they get older. Mine can pretty much fend for themselves and T. doesn’t wake me up anymore in the morning.
August 6th, 2008
Oh, I can SO relate…
August 6th, 2008
So true! I’ve been there! And some days…I’m STILL there.
August 6th, 2008
I am so there with you. I cannot WAIT until school starts so I have the option of going back to sleep after they leave.
August 7th, 2008
God those days are so painful when you’d rather roll under a truck than get out of bed. Good luck, lady.
August 7th, 2008
Awww, yeah. Good times. Love those days.
I hope it got better.
((hug))
:) ox
August 7th, 2008
You once said, “Some days I just don’t feel like doing the whole mommy thing.” That sentence has resonated on and off with me since I became a mother. This post will, too. I never knew one could be so tired.
August 7th, 2008
Oh yes. YesYesYesYesYES!
Today? I popped Sesame Street on (TWO episodes) and dozed on the couch, sleeping off whatever funk my body was in. (All hail the healing power of Cookie Monster.) Not a great morning indeed!
August 7th, 2008
Fuck. I know.
Mine are older and it is easier. But there are somedays i know.
and I remember.
August 7th, 2008
Listen, it’s OK to have a Not Good Start. Or even a Not Good Day. It’s OK to let the kids watch some videos while you nap on the couch. And it’s OK to sometimes not want to do your job, whether it is in corporate world or SAHM world.
I hope the rest of the day got better. I wouldn’t want to leave a sleep dream about my mom, either.
August 7th, 2008
Hug x
August 7th, 2008
How do you always manage to make the shittiest of shit sound nice!? LOL
Dave needs to start waking you with a mug of coffee.
Dave if you’re reading this, bring that woman COFFEE in the morning when you whisper your sweet nothings.
And, about the book? I’d LOVE to borrow it – I’m half way through Fall on Your Knees at the moment.
August 7th, 2008
I hear ya, sister! I hear ya!
Last night, I go to sleep around 12:45 due to the baby’s kicking and having a party in my tummy! Then, the bunny woke me up at 5:30–what’s with that?!?
August 7th, 2008
Not a parent in the world that can’t relate – perfectly!
August 8th, 2008
and yet, can I ever get myself to bed at a decent hour. Nooooooooo.
August 8th, 2008
Ohhhhhh, yeah. I so know that feeling, the one you’ve described so beautifully. And the category tag, “motherhood”? Sums it up. Sums it right up.
August 8th, 2008
Twas my day, exactly, today.
But it’s made better by the thought of you.
And that zit on the end of your nose. I’ve got a matching one on my chin. We can be bookends.
August 8th, 2008
You made me want to get back into bed myself. :)
August 10th, 2008
Hello.This is first time for me to visit your site.
I have three children (6year-old boy,4year-old boy,2year-old girl)
My morning is broken by my kids everyday like your’s.
I’m happy if you link to my site.It is written in Japanese(some of the words are English) but show pictures.
http://baratchfamilykidspets.blogspot.com/
August 11th, 2008
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