So about two weeks ago, Oliver started going to preschool, two full days a week. My original game plan was to have him start going either this fall or early next year, but it became increasingly obvious to me that a preschool setting was something that he could really benefit from – now. I had a place in mind, a centre that came highly recommended by several different people, so at the end of June Oliver and I went for a tour.
I fell in love with it immediately; it was exactly the kind of place I wanted him to be in. While I walked around and chatted with one of the teachers Oliver sat down with the kids, had a snack and never looked back. Despite the fact that the dialogue was mostly in French – a language he’s yet to learn – he was comfortable, and when I walked over to him a half hour later and told him it was time to go he scowled at me and announced that he wanted to stay. Forever.
But when I dropped him off for his first day, he balked. We found his cubbie and put his things in before heading into the preschool room with the other kids, and when I bent down to give him a hug he wrapped his arms around my neck and squeezed tight. “Stay, Mummy,” he mumbled in my ear. “I want you to stay.”
I hugged him back, hard, whispered that I’d be back at the end of the day and told him I loved him, very much. Julia was with me, and as we walked toward the door I glanced over my shoulder and saw Oliver standing there watching us leave, his arms hanging limply at his sides, lower lip quivering, eyes brimming with tears. As the door clicked shut behind us we heard him start to cry and as much as I wanted to sit in the car and have a little weep myself, I couldn’t; by the time we’d reached the car Julia was in tears, because (and I quote), “I don’t like it when Oliver is sad,” and I had to keep myself pulled together for her sake (which, quite frankly, was difficult).
He didn’t notice us at first when we arrived to pick him up later that afternoon; he was standing in front of a bookshelf by the far wall playing with a music box, listening intently to the song. But when he looked up and saw us in the doorway he locked eyes with me and fell completely to pieces; he ran over to me, buried his head in my neck and sobbed uncontrollably.
It was like that the next few times I dropped him off and picked him up – the pitiful, wistful looks and the pleads that I stay as I’d leave in the morning; the sobbing upon my return, the kind of relieved, oh thank god you came back for me where have you been sobs – and although his teachers assured me that he was putting in great days, I was beginning to wonder if I’d made the right decision by sending him. Should I have waited? Was he really ready, or did he just need more time to adjust?
And then, yesterday: no tears when I dropped him off. He did ask if I could stay, but he didn’t cry when I said no; instead, he stood beside his teacher and bid me a cheery au revoir. When Julia and I picked him up that afternoon he was, again, completely engrossed in an activity, and when he saw that we’d arrived he shot over to us like a bullet. Julia stepped in front of me to greet him, but Oliver literally pushed her aside and ran into my outstretched arms, grinning from ear to ear.
When I picked him up yesterday there was no crying. No sobbing, no shaking, no snot on my shoulder, just a very cute little boy who’d had a great day at preschool and was really happy to see his mummy and sister at the end of it.
I drove home with my kids in the backseat, happily reunited after a day apart, and my swelling heart. My beautiful little boy, my love, my light…is growing up.
I am so very, very proud.
43 Comments, Comment or Ping
Oh, mamaT, you never cease to make me cry. In a good way. You have a gift for capturing in words that amazing love we all feel for our kids.
July 23rd, 2008
nice job O, you da man
July 23rd, 2008
Yay!!! Big changes like that take some getting used to. I’m glad he adapted pretty quickly.
July 23rd, 2008
oh, yay for Oliver. it’s so heartbreaking when you hear that sad “stay mommy” and you begin to question if you are doing the right thing. but then the day comes when they are so happy to go! and don’t ask you to stay anymore! and don’t whimper! and then you know. you made the perfect decision!
July 23rd, 2008
I always think you need a good three weeks to see how things are going to work out.
(Loved that Bel Canto book, btw.)
July 23rd, 2008
if it matters, my daughter is going into 6th grade, I cry for about the 1st week of a new school year. She, on the other hand, has never looked back. Some of us were never meant for school!
July 23rd, 2008
Aw, Mama. Do you need a hug, too, now? It’s tough when they are clinging and you KNOW you have to walk away and it will be better, but it still tugs your heart out. Pumpkinpie has been like that just lately, after leaving just fine for years now, and it makes me sad, but you’re doing it just right.
ON a side note – I see on your sidebar you are reading Bel Canto – LOVED that book.
July 23rd, 2008
It’s lovely and bittersweet when we see them moving towards independence… though trust me. Even when they’re 16 and just back from a week away from you on a school camp, they may not run into your outstretched arms but they’re still very glad to see you.
July 23rd, 2008
That is such a great step forward for Oliver. Pretty soon he’ll be like, “Mom? Can I just finish this before we leave, please?”
I can’t even imagine how difficult this was for you, given that he’s been pretty much by your side since birth. Although I think doing it in the summer, giving you Julia at home to mother (not to mention some Mommy-Julia time which I’m sure you both loved) was a great idea.
July 23rd, 2008
Good for you guys! It was the same thing when Bee started preschool. It was also the first time I had ever left her anywhere new (we had childcare at home when I went back to work, so), and the first couple of weeks were really hard. But once they adjust, you’ll see so, so many amazing changes and new experiences.
July 23rd, 2008
Such a good feeling when they want to be there, isn’t it?
July 23rd, 2008
Nate will start preschool this September… in an all-French school. I am SO nervous and now I don’t know how I will hold it together if he starts crying. I was tearing up while reading your post. I don’t know why kids have to go do all this growing up stuff. Damn them.
July 23rd, 2008
I wish Boo had clung just a little when she started preschool. Instead, it was all “Yeah, see ya, mama, bye,” with nary a backward glance. *sigh*
July 23rd, 2008
Yay! Oliver!
It’s always hard when they cry. Even after a year and a half Carter still has days where he cries and they don’t get easier – just so you know!
Doesn’t it feel great though when you show up at the end of the day and they run for you! Always makes my heart melt.
July 23rd, 2008
What a great story. I have TWO going in the fall. One to 1/2 day kindergarten and the other to 1/2 day preschool. Thankfully they are at the same school and the same time. I’m hoping to make an adventure out of it because if they both start to cling, I may lose it.
July 23rd, 2008
Yea for Oliver! What a great big sister, too, for looking out for him.
July 23rd, 2008
Dude, Nate still cries some days. Regardless of tears/no tears he ALWAYS says, “I don’t wanna go to school.” EVERY day. Then when I pick him up, “I don’t wanna go just yet.” Gah! We can never do the right thing. Mommyhood is a losing game.
July 23rd, 2008
oh, man, i know.
it fucking rips yr heart out, doesn’t it.
and it’s so kick-ass when you know they’re having an amazing time being themselves. w/out us.
also, totally ass-painful.
love to you.
July 23rd, 2008
It takes them some time. Cakes still cries on occasion, but for the most part she loves it.
Good for you!
July 24th, 2008
oh man, I dread this. I know how it feels to listen to them cry as you leave, devestated. But it helps that you CAME BACK every day, that you always picked him up.
I know this is the right thing for him (and for you) but it sure doesn’t make it any easier, does it?
July 24th, 2008
Oh this is soooo tuff. You are much, MUCH braver than I. It took my husband, our Pediatrician, a school teacher, a school counselor and the principal to convince me that it was ok to leave my guy crying at school. Even now I still don’t know if it was the right decision, lol.
((hugs)) You did well.
a.
July 24th, 2008
Quinn starts in August, and has had a few summer camp days for a warm-up. Hug and a kiss and ‘Bye Mommy’ and that was it. How do you describe that sad/happy feeling of seeing your children grow? Bittersweet is the word, but it seems insufficient.
July 24th, 2008
Crying at my desk again. I couldn’t help but think of John M.; he’ll be in that exact same boat in about 3 weeks.
July 24th, 2008
Ah that first separation is so difficult but truly a great growing experience for everyone. You done great Mom.
July 24th, 2008
What wonderful news-way to keep a stiff upper lip mom.
July 24th, 2008
Oh, I remember…
Oh, yeah. I remember because I’m doing it again NOW. Except instead of sending him off to preschool, now it’s college… and he can’t wait to put the miles between us.
*sigh*
Ah, well. Each stage has its joys and pangs – I’m glad you are appreciating them all (more or less)!
July 24th, 2008
It is both exciting and hard to see your child grow up.
July 24th, 2008
Emily starts preschool in the fall and I both dread it’s coming and can’t wait. It will be nice for her to have the socialization and all that, but it feels like such a short time before she’ll be in school all day and wow – what will I do with myself then?
Anyways, I am very glad that O is having a good time at school.
July 24th, 2008
Both of my girls sat on the hip of the preschool teacher for two weeks before they accepted the inevitable. It was only two mornings a week. But it nearly killed me.
I can hear your voice, so sweet, in my head, imagining you talking with him.
July 24th, 2008
The girl starts preschool this September and it is going to be soooo hard to see the tears. The only “drop off” thing is when I go work out at the gym for an hour and as you saw at BFF, that ain’t been frequent enough!
Huzzah to Oliver…and hugs to you.
July 24th, 2008
We had the very same experience. And I cried both when he cried and when he didn’t for two entirely different reasons. This growing up thing, it’s really something to behold.
Hugs to you my friend. Miss you.
xo
July 24th, 2008
Oh, it’s so hard, isn’t it, leaving them to all that growing up? Lovely, dear. Just lovely. Hope his happiness continues.
July 24th, 2008
That sounds so hard but clearly he’s liking it and you’re doing the right thing. You must feel so glad.
I think we’ll be there in another year. Gulp.
July 24th, 2008
Oh what memories you brought back. I went through this last September and my heart was breaking for about 2 weeks. We’ll be going through it again this September when she goes back to the preschool but with a new teacher. It’s one of the hardest things to do but it does get better.
July 24th, 2008
Awesome! It’s so hard, but so amazing! Go Oliver!!
July 25th, 2008
That is one of the WORST feelings in the world, I went through it for Kindergarten last year. And then one of the best feelings is when they start to enjoy it and they’re happy again. Way to go Oliver!
July 25th, 2008
AWWWWWWWWWWW…. DAMN! that is so sweet :)
July 26th, 2008
Oh dear… I’m getting a little sniffy just thinking about our 2 half-days that are coming this September.
July 26th, 2008
Yay Oliver. What a big boy. He seems like such a sweetheart. So sweet!
July 26th, 2008
You SHOULD be proud! You have such great kids. I was just telling Hoop, after reading your post, about how kids in Canada learn French as well as English. Ya know, I was trying to give him more reason why we should move to Canada. It’s slow progress girl, but I think I’m starting to get to him. ;)
July 27th, 2008
Looks like you’re raising yourself a fine young man there. Well done!
July 27th, 2008
It’s bittersweet watching them grow up, isn’t it?
July 27th, 2008
It’s so painful to drop them off that first time. When you know that they don’t know the routine, and they don’t understand why you’re leaving, and they don’t have a sense of when the day is ending. We did that in January, and it was the same. Hard leaving, even harder when they look at you and burst into tears at the end of the day. And even though you know it won’t scar them, and it will be okay, it is what’s best…still. So hard. Glad he’s doing better now.
July 31st, 2008
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