So Mrs. Chicken, Mrs. Chicky and Her Bad Mother are about to become mothers – for the second time. There’s a virtual shower going on in their honour, and the lovely ladies behind it want us to share our favourite ass/advice when it comes to having kids. Specifically, they wanna know what I could have done without knowing, and what I was more than happy to hear.
I didn’t really get a lot of assvice my second go, but I was told more times than I can count how important it was for me to get Julia potty trained before the baby came. The fact that Julia was still in diapers when Oliver finally decided to jump ship seemed to freak a lot of people out. “Oh, you don’t want to have two kids in diapers,” I was warned. “You just don’t.”
But I didn’t give a crap if I had two kids in diapers, and I didn’t push Julia to potty train. Aside from it being a touch costlier, having two kids in diapers wasn’t the total disaster that people seemed to think it would be.
The best thing I was told when I was pregnant with Oliver wasn’t really advice, but more reassurance, from my Gram. I wrote about it when Julie had her virtual baby shower, and here’s a snippet of that post:
“It’s a boy,” I gushed, the tears flowing freely now. “And I’m so scared!”
I was. I didn’t know about boys, I knew about girls. What if I wiped him wrong and hurt his…his…jewels? What if he didn’t like me and only wanted Dave? And the biggie, the one that had me lying in bed at night, wide-eyed and worried: how could I possibly love another child the way I loved Julia?
I knew my grandmother would understand my fears, having raised three boys of her own. And although she chuckled when I admitted my fear of maneuvering my way around my son’s god-given gifts, she said something to me then, something that, in the two and a half years I’ve been mothering a son, has proved to be true countless times.
“There’s nothing better than having a son,” she said, her voice softening. “I’ll tell you something about little boys, honey. They can be somethin’ else, but they sure do love their mama’s.”
I still tear up when I think of that conversation, because she was right. SO RIGHT. Going from one to two was difficult for me; Oliver was a high-needs baby who was different from his sister in every way imaginable, and I had a hard time adjusting to that. He was somethin’ else, all right – he still is – but the love I get from him…god, the love. It’s amazing. Half of the time I have a hard time not squirting him with HP Sauce and eating him right up.
If I had to muster up some advice for you three lovely ladies, I think it would be this: put your other kid to work. Julia loved to help me with Oliver and I equally loved to lighten my load at her expense give her little things to do, like fetch me a diaper/burp cloth/clean sleeper/scotch on the rocks. Having her help me with her brand-spankin’-new baby brother made her feel important, and it lessened the instances in which I had to, you know, do stuff.
That said, ladies, I wish you all the luck, love and easy labour vibes in the world.
xoxo Mamatulip
32 Comments, Comment or Ping
To that scotch on the rocks, I say cheers. Excellent advice, not a hint of ass anywhere.
Oh and “Half of the time I have a hard time not squirting him with HP Sauce and eating him right up.” – I know exactly what you mean.
May 3rd, 2008
Great advice! The Boy loves to help, and even picks out the Little Guy’s outfits (note: not always the best idea..)
May 3rd, 2008
Thank you, especially for the advice about a boy. Expecting a son has me a bit in a tizzy. But this made me feel more at ease.
Thanks, Mama!
May 3rd, 2008
I think you and your gran just about got it right. The boys, oh, the soft, soft boys. And HP! Totally HP! oh ya, and all that good crap about putting the little ones to work. Schindler’s List and those little fingers comes to mind…oh, no, no, that was something else. But yes, it’s empowering for the little helpers to, well, help. Good luck all you uterus active ladies! Think of all the blog fodder!
May 3rd, 2008
Good assvice.
Gawd, I wanna meet your kids so bad.
May 3rd, 2008
I love what your grandmother said. As a mother of 4 boys, I can categorically state that it is so true.
When I came home from work on Thursday, I went into my room to hang something up in my wardrobe. I glanced around and a flash of bright pink caught my eye. (Well, as it would!)
Connor, my 11 year old, had picked some azalia flowers from the garden and put them in a vase by my bed. I tell you, if I could bottle that kid I’d make a fortune!
May 3rd, 2008
Fantastic advice and that’s so so true. Thalia totally loves getting Sage’s diaper out, passing me a wipe, finding her binky.
Until, of course, she doesn’t.
May 3rd, 2008
Plus getting Julia involved in helping probably eased her transition/adjustment, didn’t it?
May 3rd, 2008
Darlin’, you know you’ll always be the owner of one of my favorite asses.
Heh.
Thanks for the advice, even if I’m having a girl and not one of those boy babies with the extra parts. I’ll be putting my first girl to work. They’ll have to call Protective Services on me because she’ll be working so hard!
*smooches*
May 3rd, 2008
Sorry to be selfish, but I wish that you were giving me that advice right around now…
Someday, maybe…
In the meantime, I’ll live vicariously through you all. And I’m truly happy for you…to experience such wonder…in having children.
May 4th, 2008
I have no experience with having a boy, two girls for me….but I too was told I should potty train Mouse and have her into a big girl bed before Bug was born. Mouse had just turned two and loved her crib and didn’t have any interest in potty training yet. Oh and she still had her bottle and so many people were telling me to take that away from her as well. I did none of the above, I left her in her crib, in her diapers, and left her with her bottle after Bug was born. One day when Bug was about a month old Mouse said that Bug needed a crib and that Bug should sleeep in Mouse’s crib…I asked Mouse where she would sleep and she said in a big girl bed…and that’s how Mouse went into a big girl bed. Potty training happened one day when Bug was four months old…Mouse said she didn’t want diapers anymore, they were for babies and that was the end of diapers. The bottle took alot longer…Bug never took one and Mouse kept hers until she was four! Not kidding…most people think this is terrible….but Mouse loved her bottle and never wanted to give up her afternoon suck on it. I HAVE NO REGRETS AND WOULD DO ALL OF THE ABOVE THE SAME WAY.
May 4th, 2008
Heck ya. Put them to work. People ask how I do it with 5 and I said I had the oldest ones first. LOL. I don’t know how I raised my first 2 without a 13 and 10 yr old around. It is THE only reason my hair is ALL gray.
May 4th, 2008
You have much wisdom, MamaT. This was great advice.
May 4th, 2008
Awwwwwww!
*sniff*
May 4th, 2008
OH, GOD yes, it’s so true. Although I am so afraid of raising this boy … I want to get it RIGHT, the combination of being strong and sweet and sensitive and manly … he is SUCH a mama’s boy. He is amazing.
May 4th, 2008
I had a lot of useless advice given to me, and two really, really good pieces of advice from unexpected sources.
When my great-grandma found out I was having triplets, she had my aunt call to toast me and sing “Que sera.” (Okay, I’d think everyone knows the words, but basically it goes: “Que sera, sera… whatever will be, will be.”) She was right. You can’t control everything, and you shouldn’t get worked up about it all. That’s how I ran my household, and I have some of the happiest, most well-behaved, flexible-scheduled children I know.
Second piece of advice came from the girls’ pediatrician. I was worried about potty training them, which they still aren’t at 3-1/2, and he said: “Don’t worry about it. They won’t go to Kindergarten in diapers, trust me.” And I haven’t. When finals week is over, I’ll work on it. The girls absolutely love to use the potty. This’ll be cake!
My advice to moms? Don’t be afraid to set boundaries with family members, and listen to your baby(ies). One will tell you a lot of stuff but very little that matters, and the other will tell you everything you need to know.
May 5th, 2008
Great advice, MamaT…I second it!
May 5th, 2008
For me the hardest part of having the second was accepting that the second was going to be a completely different experience than the first. The first I had time to focus, absorb all the details, and had the option of sleeping when the baby slept (which, sadly, was not often).
With the second, I never had that luxury. I didn’t get to sit and admire her or doze off in the recliner with her in my arms or revolve my entire day around her needs. Nope, I was chasing a 2-year-old and caring for an infant. Oy. It was hard, really hard, but the good part is that my son was not jealous or resentful of her. That didn’t show up until five years later. : )
May 5th, 2008
I second what your Grammy said. There is something magical about the way my son looks at me, like I’m the Queen of the Universe. I know my daughter loves me, too, but she doesn’t get all giddy when I walk into a room like he does.
May 5th, 2008
There really isn’t anything like the love of little boys. I had the good fortune of living it since my brothers were 10 and 11 years younger than me. Btw, I had a dream last night that you and Dave were going to have another baby and you decided you were going to name it Ashley no matter if it was a boy or a girl! LOL.
May 5th, 2008
We had two in diapers and two in cribs and that was just the way it was. Now we still have two in nighttime Pull-Ups. Someday…
May 5th, 2008
My little girl just turned 10 months on 1May. On 3May, Wife tells me that we are just that good and that in about 9 months, we will have another one for the brood.
I don’t know about needing advice, so far I am just freaking out!
I really enjoy your posts and read you every week, if not every day. I link to your site from either sweetened taters or growinglikeastanfield.
have a great week!
May 5th, 2008
Amen about little boys. So true.
My advice? Don’t be in a hurry to get the 1st one of the crib if he/she’s still in it. Have two cribs. Who cares? Once they’re out…they’re OUT!!! Or…the short version:
Discourage mobility ;)
May 5th, 2008
Ah… if only my older boy were interested. Unfortunately, he’s true boy… but he loves his little brother anyway with smothering hugs and big kisses.
May 5th, 2008
I was much more freaked about having a girl. lol
I am trying to think about what I could say, but I can’t think… Oh. I say leave your older one in the crib as long as you can. Buy a new crib for the new baby, if you can. It was so much easier for me when he couldn’t get out of bed whenever he wanted. Unless the older one climbs out, then the whole idea is crap.
:)
May 5th, 2008
it’s sooo true. that whole “boys sure do love their mamas” thing….but that wiener he’s got still freaks me out, even five years later! hahaha!
May 5th, 2008
My MIL said no one in her house was potty trained until 3 years because there was another baby to deal wtih – they’re all fine!
And yeah, I am so hoping that by leaving a 4-year gap, I can enlist Pumpkinpie.
Nice post!
May 5th, 2008
Before I was even dating, I’ve told myself that I WANT BOYS…and now my dreams came true with 2 smart little man…
love what your grandma said…its so true. My boys are 15months apart and hey, I’ve got 2 diaper children at the same time. Its actually easier…seriously!
May 5th, 2008
I wish I didn’t push the potty training on Strawberry. It was useless because the arrival of Buttercup saw all my hard work down the drain. I mean back in the diaper. Oh you know what I mean.
I loved that post with your Gram’s advice. Beautiful.
May 6th, 2008
We’ve talked about this, you and I, but that mama-love? that boy-loves-his-mama thing? AM SO DYING FOR THAT.
(And, diapers, HAH! WB is partly trained, and it seems to me that diapers are more predictable than new potty usage.)
May 7th, 2008
Awesome advice from your grandmother. I *totally* agree. And yeah…C was a super big help. :)
May 16th, 2008
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