Yesterday was ticking along just fine, thanks, and then, in the blink of an eye, it went downhill. Quickly. One minute the kids were outside kicking the soccer ball while Dave and I fixed their swing set and the next they were in their rooms sobbing and I was trying to manage the situation, mostly unsuccessfully.
And I had a moment – you know the kind – where this parenting thing shoved its way up to my face and became very overwhelming. I had to make a conscious effort to stay in control, struggling against the press of my own freak out that was rising up to my throat from the pit of my stomach.
At one point, in the thick of it, I threw my arms in the air and said I give up. I could feel it all draining out of me, down the side of Julia’s bed, dripping on to the floor: my stamina, my patience…my will.
I just suddenly got so…exhausted.
Many hugs and kisses and snuggles later all was calm, but it hung over me for a while. I had to force myself to shake it, the heaviness that had settled firmly on my shoulders; the ugliness of it all.
The nitty grit of parenting.
It was on my mind this morning when I woke up, before I’d even opened my eyes. And though it smacks of cheese, I lay in bed and told myself that today is a new day. Today will be better.
I’m going to make sure of it.
46 Comments, Comment or Ping
Sending you fortitude! (And a free pass to spend three high-quality minutes curled into a fetal ball under the kitchen table.)
April 24th, 2008
It’s cheesy, but if I’m having a bad day and I hear “Here comes the sun” I suddenly feel all better.
So, yes. Here’s to the power of positive thinking!
April 24th, 2008
I have a lot of those frustrating parenting moments myself lately where I just want to take a time out and have someone tell me what to do before it all goes downhill!
Take care…today WILL be better and the good news is I think we as parents are harder on ourselves than our kids are.
April 24th, 2008
I’m doing my patented Give a Canadian a Good Day Dance. it’s mostly interpretive dance with lots of jazz hands and moonwalking.
April 24th, 2008
Oh, (((Mama T))). I so relate to this. And gads, I hate to say it, but it gets worse as they get older. Mine are six and four and there are moments when I swear I’d load ‘em in the UPS truck myself and hand them off to a much more competent parent than I if only the driver would take them.
But at the end of the day, when I’m getting ready to turn in, I sneak into their rooms and watch them sleeping, and I can see my sweet babies still there. I know that moment will come, and it keeps me from driving an icepick through my skull during the ones when the screaming and the backtalk and the fighting and the defiance see me to my wit’s end.
April 24th, 2008
Days like that just suck ass. And the crushing guilt that follows immediately after the meltdown doesn’t help, either.
Wishing you a better day.
April 24th, 2008
cheesy yes. but it applies.
I don’t know if you have been around my place lately, but i have been moaning on about the parenting I had as a child, and how it informed me as a youth.
And how it has informed MY parenting.
Yet still I throw my hands up in the air and say things I shouldn’t and I raise my voice and I do lots wrong.
just like you.
but you are there. And there is 99% of what it needs to be in my opinion.
someone shut me up now.
April 24th, 2008
This gig is hard.
I hope you are having a better day.
April 24th, 2008
I’ve said that to myself on a lot of mornings as I mentally replay the short-tempered, yelling harpy that I was to my kids the day before. It must be working, because there are fewer mornings that I have to promise myself that it’ll be better, that *I* will do better. Today *will* be better. You can bet on it.
April 24th, 2008
We all have days like that. If parenting were truly that easy, then you wouldn’t need to pass qualifications exams in order to breed. (Oh wait, that was in a book I read.)
But seriously… from the limited amount of story you shared, today HAS to be better than yesterday. I mean, there aren’t locusts in the forecast, right?
(OK yeah, I said seriously and then got stupid again. So sue me.)
April 24th, 2008
I like cheese. I like it a lot.
I certainly like better days then the mess that I’ve been dealt lately. It’s kind of bizarre how things get crazy so quickly and I know that heaviness all too well.
April 24th, 2008
*waves hands in air frantically*
Me too! Me too!! Oy, the days that are bad are so very bad indeed. Today, for instance. Just — bad.
My new mantra, inspired largely by the newborn in the house, is “these days will not last forever. This time is fleeting.” In times of hairy ugliness, it is surprisingly comforting. To a point.
April 24th, 2008
Pass the cheese platter please. The days of lunacy are upon us – I’ll support you my friend.
April 24th, 2008
oh, babe. i know those days. i think i’m having one right now.
April 24th, 2008
Wishing you much strength and grace for the day, a bit long into it I’m afraid. I remind myself every day that each day is new, that I’m very lucky that we get these do-overs.
April 24th, 2008
Ah girl, being human is annoying, isn’t it?
April 24th, 2008
the hardest, and my most proud moments as a parent, are getting through times like these. like you just did. here’s a hug.
April 24th, 2008
There’s always a new day, a new start. It’s not cheese, it’s survival. And that’s all you can do, is pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start over.
Been there, babe. I empathize. Boy….do I empathize.
April 24th, 2008
the stomach flu plague-ing my house this week has left me feeling like i am the worst mother in the world. i’ve had those arms up in the air, can’t take it anymore moments too many times this week.
there are so many ugly parts of parenting…that lots of people don’t talk about…but that’s why you have your internets…we GET it. hugs
April 24th, 2008
I feel you, dawg.
(I’ve already used that today at Motherbumper’s, but damn if it isn’t useful. shout-out to Randy! props, dawg!)
p.s. yeah, yes, and yep. and also this: (((((((K)))))))
April 24th, 2008
It gets better. Toddlers/small children are hellish sometimes. When they’re school age they’re so much easier to deal with. And when they’re teenagers they can do useful things like take the bins out and do all of the vacuuming, dusting, clean the toilets, wash down the vanity and unstack, stack the dishwasher and turn it on.
The above was what my 11 year old did on his day off from school to help earn money towards the ipod he wants. All of that for $10. Bargain!!! And now I have a long weekend free of the spectre of all that housework. All of this joy is ahead for you….
April 24th, 2008
Oh honey I feel you. I have had one of those days for two days in a row. I just want to cry, scream and have someone take the kids for me and tell a few people (not the kids, adults who run their pie holes) to have a cup of shut the fuck up!!!!
I keep telling myself this too shall pass. I hope you have a better day today.
April 24th, 2008
I read this post right after dealing with an inexplicable and incomprehensible meltdown from my 3 year old.
I think we all have days like this, even if we don’t express them as well as you just did.
April 24th, 2008
It is exhausting. And you’re right, it’s one day at a time. Sometimes I am so tired that I literally can’t think of the days ahead. So I have to think about enjoying this very day as much as I possibly can.
April 24th, 2008
You know, here I am de-lurking to thank you for writing this post.
It’s nice to know I’m not alone.
April 24th, 2008
You’re entitled to a meltdown every so often, just like the kids. I recommend blasting music in the iPod or just going out to sit in the car for 20 minutes alone.
Or gin.
April 24th, 2008
it’s so Scarlett O’Hara to think of it tomorrow, when you can stand it, but sometimes… you need to. She was nobody’s fool, after all, and quite the survivor. Like parents.
April 24th, 2008
You made the effort, Mama. Will dripping onto the floor and all, you struggled against the freak out.
Those moments are inevitable. Giving in to them is optional. I’m with Kittenpie. Go all Scarlett O’Hara on that freak-out’s ass. And take a long bath while you’re waiting for tomorrow to arrive.
April 24th, 2008
i love you.
April 24th, 2008
It’s a marathon, not a sprint. That’s what I keep telling myself.
Get rest, eat carbs, drink water, wear comfortable shoes. That’s the only parenting advice I think is really helpful.
Otherwise, btdt, sister. Btdt.
April 25th, 2008
You know what you need? A helper! I’m calling Oprah.
April 25th, 2008
It WILL be better! I’m sure that it already is.
However,…. ….. I can’t imagine what it’s like. I’m standing here sending you strong “BRAVAS!!” for perseverance… and for your fierce spirit.
April 25th, 2008
i’m not really sure how stay at home mom’s do it – i wanted to freak out after three hours with the lil’ rugrats the other day (oh, and then revel in guilt for about 48 hours afterwords).
sometimes it’s hard.
April 25th, 2008
No such thing as cheese when you’re trying to hang the eff on!
So Tie A Knot At The End Of Your Rope, Sister!!
xoxo
April 25th, 2008
You are one strong woman, and no way is is it cheesy to recognize that a new day is also a fresh start. Hang in there, and deep breaths–we love ya!
April 25th, 2008
We all have those days, those moments where it all just seems too, too much. Hope today was better…
April 25th, 2008
I am here, in this place, more often than not these days. I guess nobody said it was gonna be easy. Still, the guilt is almost more than I can take.
April 25th, 2008
My, yes, I think (unfortunately) we all have to get THERE in order to restore ourselves. I think it’s always a good thing to never give ourselves permission to totally lose our minds, even when we want to. thanks for the well wishes.
April 25th, 2008
Those days suck. We all have them. I have them. You grow from them.
a.
April 26th, 2008
There is no finer spiritual practice than parenthood! And most the time the practice SUCKS!
April 26th, 2008
I hear ya, lady. That’s most days around here.
April 26th, 2008
Nothing more humbling than parenting…
Feel your angst, feel your pain…
And know that today is a whole new day…
April 26th, 2008
I second what DaniGirl said. Only I am having a HARD time believing it is fleeting..
April 26th, 2008
It cracks me up that, as a child, I never ever thought my mom was having a bad day. Us kids got to have good days and bad days, but it never occurred to me that mom had actual human emotions.
April 27th, 2008
I’m having a bad mommy day today. The kids are driving me crazy and I have to keep from either strangling them or screaming at them.
Tomorrow had better be an easier parenting day than today.
Or I’m going to go bonkers.
April 27th, 2008
Yup. It’s the nitty gritty that gets ya.
Great post.
April 27th, 2008
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