“Dave, do you hear that?”
We were cocooned in blankets, lying on our respective couches watching Survivor, when I heard a strange noise coming from upstairs.
“I can barely hear anything, babe,” he said, and I shot him a sympathetic glance. I’d momentarily forgotten about his infected ears.
He muted the television and we cocked our heads, listening. From her bedroom Julia was coughing and crying, gasping for breath, moaning in between gulps.
We darted for the stairs and met her halfway. Her face was bright red and tear-stained and she was shaking. “I can’t…stop…” she tried, but the coughing overwhelmed her and Dave swiftly scooped her off of the stairs and carried her into the kitchen. He sat her on the breakfast bar, wiped her nose with a Kleenex and talked to her calmly, evenly, while I got her a small glass of orange juice.
Within a few minutes she had settled, but since it was clear she was still quite rattled we let her sit with us and watch the drama unfold at Tribal Council. She nestled up in the crook of Dave’s arm; I fanned my mum’s red plaid afghan over her, turned the fireplace on and stole sideways glances of the two of them, father and daughter, curled up together on the couch.
When the tribe had spoken I took her hand and we went up to her room, but when I tucked her in the corners of her mouth started to pull downward and her eyes brimmed with tears.
I sat on the edge of her bed and ran my fingers through her hair. “What is it, love?”
“My throat hurts so much,” she whispered. She blinked hard, sending a stream of tears cascading down her cheeks. “My chest hurts, too.”
Instinctively, I put my hand on her chest and rubbed it gently. My heart ached for her.
“I know, babe. I know,” I said gently. “I’m going to get the vaporizer and put it in here, okay? It’ll help some.” I got up and went into our bedroom, where the vaporizer has been sitting, still full, beside my dresser for weeks months now, not because I’ve been using it but because why empty it and wipe it out and put it away in the bathroom where it belongs when I can just let it collect dust on the bedroom floor?
I set it just beside her doll’s crib, poured some Vick’s Vapo Steam inside and plugged it in. Within seconds we were breathing in the soothing smell of mentholatum, a smell that always reminds me of my mother, a woman who wore Tiger Balm like perfume.
“What’s that thing called again?” Julia whispered as I tucked her in again.
“A vaporizer,” I said. “Smell that?” I asked, and she nodded. “That smell will help your chest. It’s like magic.” I kissed her forehead once more and went back downstairs, and although we muted all the commercials and kept our ears on alert she slept soundly from then on.
I had plans for Friday – a morning at the Discovery Centre, lunch out – but just like Thursday’s play date, they came to naught. Julia’s cough was still persistent, Oliver’s fever had yet to break and by noon they were both asleep. Dave worked from home, still bogged down by his infections but determined not to miss another workday, and once he wrapped things up the four of us put on hats and boots and coats and ventured out in to the fresh air, all squinty-eyed and pale-faced.
We opened the van’s back windows, turned the radio up and stopped for coffees; we ran a few errands and enjoyed being out. It was good to stretch our legs and see the sun, yet as glad as we were to leave the house we were excited to get back – it was, after all, our first-ever Friday Movie Night; the kids were excited to help Dave make homemade pizzas, eat dinner together in the den and watch a new movie.
“Can I help you make the pizzas, Daddy?” Julia asked from the backseat when we were a few blocks from home.
“Sure,” Dave said. “You can make the pizza for you and Oliver. How’s that?”
“Good,” she agreed. Then, “Mummy?”
“Yes?”
“Are you going to keep that magic vibrator in my room tonight?”
It’s a wonder Dave didn’t drive us off the road. Tears welled up in his eyes and his face turned a screaming red; I laughed so hard I couldn’t catch my breath. When we regained our composure Julia asked us what was so funny, which sent us off the deep end again.
“Vaporizer,” I finally managed to say. “It’s called a vaporizer, Julia, not a vibrator,” I said, and Dave and I started giggling again. From the backseat I could hear Julia softly repeating the word: vape-or-eye-zer.
“I am so blogging about this,” I said to him a minute later.
He glanced at me and grinned. “I knew you were going to say that.”
55 Comments, Comment or Ping
LMFAO!!!
Hopefully everyone’s doing better today…
March 17th, 2008
Nothing soothes me at night quite like the white noise hum of the magic vibrator
March 17th, 2008
Where can I get a magic vibrator???
March 17th, 2008
LOL!
March 17th, 2008
Oh that is hysterically funny. I sure hope she is feeling better.
March 17th, 2008
Sooo funny! What a wonderful thing for her to share at show and tell….right? :)
March 17th, 2008
That is classic! I was thinking this was going to be a sweet, sentimental story, then it suddenly took a turn. I think this story is hilarious!
March 17th, 2008
I hope you’re all feeling better now. I have to go now and see if I can get half-chewed laughed-out baklava out of my keyboard. I must not read your posts while eating lunch. Vibrator. Heh. That Julia.
March 17th, 2008
A precocious one, isn’t she? Gotta love those kids. HAAA!
March 17th, 2008
Ew, yogurt coming out my nose. Seriously. It burns. Damn you!!
I have a birthday coming up and I am TOTALLY requesting a magic vibrator.
March 17th, 2008
hon. I’ve met you. I’ve met Dave. Now I really need to meet your kids.
March 17th, 2008
Hilarious. Seriously, Julia is on the money. Nothing like magic vibrators to soothe you into sleep…
March 17th, 2008
How could you not blog about this??*LOL*
March 17th, 2008
Of COURSE you would blog about it. LOL. That seriously just made my day, you should see my grin… “Magic vibrator.” :)
March 17th, 2008
Hilarious! I’m glad you set her straight BEFORE she went back to school. You’d wonder why the teacher and other Mums were looking at you strangely and hustling the other kids away from you….
(Primary school show-and-tells occasionally fall under the category of ‘too much information’….)
March 17th, 2008
Oh.My.Goodness.
THAT was awesome.
Thank you.
March 17th, 2008
Well of course you’re blogging about that! That’s too funny not to share. Poor lil Julia. We’ve been through that this winter too and it’s just not fun.
March 17th, 2008
HA HA HA HA HA HA.
I love your kids, I seriously do.
I want to borrow them.
Please?!
:-D
PS: hope you all are feeling much better! xo
March 17th, 2008
My vibrator’s been sitting around collecting dust, too.
:)
March 17th, 2008
Ha, ha! Magic vibrators always help, don’t they?
March 17th, 2008
And, that was such a touching story…until…! I think you should trademark “magic vibrator” — it has a ring to it!!!
March 17th, 2008
i’m impressed for two reasons:
-magic vibrator (obvs!)
-your house is quiet in time for tribal council!
hope everyone is doing better :)
March 17th, 2008
I am laughing so hard that my son is begging me to tell him why. Can’t. Think. Fast. Enough.
March 17th, 2008
…heehee. Hope you are all on the mend and SOON!
a.
March 17th, 2008
I can’t WAIT until my kid can talk.
That was so friggin’ funny.
xo
March 17th, 2008
Ha! I was all prepared to make sympathetic noises about all the illness in your fam, but the magic vibrator totally distracted me. Hope you’re all feeling better now.
March 17th, 2008
LOL. You’re such a good mom, letting the vibrator work it’s magic with your daughter *snort*
March 17th, 2008
LOL oh my god…
March 17th, 2008
sniff. a tear in all the aunties eyes…her first vibrator. our girl is growing up.
March 17th, 2008
Classic! I am laughing so hard my husband had to tell me to shut up so I don’t wake up Sugarplum
March 18th, 2008
Just to add to the list… absolutely hilarious. A great pick me up to my stressful day!
March 18th, 2008
A magic vibrator could help you sleep well at night, too, you know…
I’ve been known to announce my blogging intentions aloud, too. How could you not, after that one?
Hoep everyone feels better soon.
March 18th, 2008
That magic vibrator comment is going to rear its head at a public place… You just know it is…
March 18th, 2008
I was gonna say… I thought all vibrators were magic. ;)
March 18th, 2008
omg – you just made my day. Magic vibrator will totally come out at all the wrong occasions which just makes it that much more special.
March 18th, 2008
At least THAT’S not what was lying on the floor in your bedroom for months. And at least it’s not gathering DUST! Put that thing to good use! Magic. Indeed.
March 18th, 2008
You know I bet there is a Magic Vibrator on the market!
LOL!!!!! ;)
March 18th, 2008
right, because THAT’S lying on the other side of the bed.
March 18th, 2008
I’m soooo bringing you a magic vibrator.
I wouldn’t want you to go with out while Julia has the vaporizer…
Heh.
March 18th, 2008
O.M.G.!!
March 18th, 2008
I’d love to comment on this but i can barely see my monitor through the spray of water that just came out of my mouth while reading about the magic vibrator.
March 18th, 2008
oh i so want a magic vibrator…already got one of them magic vaporizers…
March 18th, 2008
Oh, the innocent utterings of a little kid who has no idea about vibrators and their magic. Unless, of course, they’re the kind that help you breathe better.
March 19th, 2008
damn, i wish MY mom had put a magic vibrator in my room when i was small and couldn’t sleep…
March 19th, 2008
she. kills. me.
magic vibrator? love it.
March 19th, 2008
Ooh that was good for a belly laugh!
March 19th, 2008
i find that the vibrator doesn’t smell nearly as nice as the vaporizer.
March 20th, 2008
magic is as magic does.
March 20th, 2008
How could you not blog about that? Blogs exist to record moments like that!
March 20th, 2008
Oh my God, I swear, they should give y’all a TV show!
March 21st, 2008
I know 50 other people said this before me, but you are one funny mofo. Or rather, like me, you are that type of person that funny things happen to and then has the ability to convey them on her blog. I can’t believe I haven’t been here in so long. Pray that my baby keeps sleeping so that I can keep coming back!
March 23rd, 2008
Such a nicely told story of your family life. Made me smile…and then LOL! Soo funny, kids. pft!
Georgie found “something” in my dresser a bit ago, and I turned around to see her trying “curl her hair”…Umm, yeah. LMAO!
:)
March 24th, 2008
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
*snort* …nice…..I’m all about those magic vibrators ;)
March 25th, 2008
HAHAHA. Oh Julia! Always saying the cutest things! Wow, you describe her to a tee though. I can picture her right in front of me :)
March 31st, 2008
I am so glad that I’m not reading this immedately after a post-operative Caesarian section delivery.
April 13th, 2008
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