In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have tried to call the dentist Wednesday afternoon. It was just after five, the kids were bordering on obnoxious, Dave had stepped in the door only moments earlier and I, sick with one of the worst head/chest/sinus colds I’ve had in a long time, was tired, irritable and felt like death smeared on toast. Looking back, all of those things scream don’t even think about making a phone call right now, you idiot!
Oh, hindsight…you cheeky bastard, you.
But at that moment my top priority was to call the dentist back and schedule a checkup for Julia. They’d left a message and I knew if I didn’t return their call somewhat immediately I’d forget altogether, given the fact that the only things I could focus on for any length of time were a) how shitty I felt and b) how shitty I felt. So once Dave had hung up his jacket and doled out hugs and kisses I had him sit down at the computer, open his work calendar and check for clear afternoons. (At this stage in the toddler game, having Oliver tag along to a dentist appointment is not an option. I always book late afternoon appointments with our dentist so if needs be, I can drop Oliver off with Dave as he’s leaving work and then head off with Julia.)
“Next week looks pretty good, babe,” he said as I stood at the sink rinsing out his travel mugs. “Monday’s clear. Shoot for Monday.”
Shoot for Monday. Got it. With the kids playing somewhat quietly in the living room and Dave immersed in emails I called the office, explained to the soft-spoken receptionist that the best time for Julia to come was after 4.45pm and said next Monday was good for us, to which she chuckled and said, “Oh, late afternoon appointments go really quickly. I’m looking into March.”
Looking into March. Got it. When she offered me 5.50pm on St. Patrick’s Day I took it, thinking that time slot was actually quite perfect; there would be enough time for Dave to just come home as opposed to me having to drop Oliver off with him.
As I flipped through the calendar to March I could hear Dave and Julia behind me talking about playing the Wii and Oliver in the living room jumping off the coffee table, shouting something about Buzz Lightyear. I repeated the appointment time and date to the receptionist to make sure I’d heard it correctly and when I did, Dave turned to me and started to complain rather loudly about it being so far in advance and why did I even bother asking him what afternoon was good for him?
I stood in the kitchen, my head and face throbbing, straining to hear what the receptionist was saying. Julia was still talking about the Wii, Dave was visibly annoyed with me agreeing to such a faraway date and suddenly my son, in all his Space Ranger glory, shot into the kitchen and threw himself against the back of my legs. I lurched forward, pressed the phone into the side of my pulsating face and abruptly hang up on the receptionist.
“I just hung up on her!” I shouted. I slammed the phone down on the kitchen counter and glared at Dave. “What’s wrong with that appointment? It’s the earliest she could give me!”
“Why did you even bother having me check my calendar if you were just going to go ahead and book it without asking me?” he retorted gruffly.
“I didn’t know they’d be booking so far in advance,” I huffed. I called the receptionist back, apologized for hanging up on her, went back into the kitchen and started bickering with Dave some more, which resulted in me completely lost my cool and shouting at him to SHUT! UP! – something the kids, naturally, picked up on immediately.
“Shut up, Dave!” they mimicked, running around the den gleefully. “Shut up, Dave! Shut up! Shut up, Daddy!”
I sighed and stared down at the counter. My head was pounding. Every bone in my body was aching. I felt horrible, and not just physically. I’d gone too far.
“You guys, please,” I called down to them. “Mummy shouldn’t have said that and you shouldn’t either.”
“Shut up, Dave! Shut up, Dave!” They sang it like a chorus.
I squeezed my eyes shut. “That’s just great,” I breathed, and from behind me I heard Dave mumble, “I wasn’t the one who taught them that.”
I snapped open my eyes, grabbed a dish towel and dried my hands. “That’s IT,” I croaked, throwing the towel on the counter. “I’m DONE.” I stalked up to our bedroom, shut the door, pulled down the duvet and crawled in bed, pulling the covers up to my chin. I lay there with my eyes closed for several minutes, my entire body throbbing, before I heard Dave pad up the stairs, down the hall and push open the door.
He walked over to his side of the bed and sat down beside me. “Go away,” I mumbled, my eyes still closed. “I just want to be alone.”
He sighed. “I’m going to go now,” he said softly. “I’ll take Oliver with me. We’ll go to Zellers first and pick up dinner on the way home. You can sleep and Julia can listen to music in her bedroom.”
“No,” I said, sitting up, reaching for my glasses. “I want to work on vocabulary with her. She got new words yesterday.”
“Okay,” he said. I opened my eyes and met his; gave him an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry you’re not feeling good, babe,” he said, squeezing my arm.
“I know. Thank you. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
And so it goes.
35 Comments, Comment or Ping
*hug* Hope you’re feeling better now?
Are you reading The Time Traveler’s Wife? I love that book – even though I cried for the last bit of it. So powerful.
January 25th, 2008
And so it goes is exactly right.
Sometimes, we’re on edge because we’re sick or it’s been a long day or the kids are being particularly rambunctious or whatever, and even though the right thing to do would be to remain calm and not yell or whatever, everyone loses their cool sometimes.
Ultimately, what’s really important is that you come out on the other side no worse for wear. You both make efforts to come to the middle and move forward instead of holding grudges. That’s what really matters.
January 25th, 2008
See, Dave Kicks Ass.
January 25th, 2008
Btdt…i think my kids learned shut-up in exactly the same manner. I hate when things get so stressful like that….good on dave for coming up and talking to you though
January 25th, 2008
Amazing how children pick things up and make songs out of them, isn’t it?
January 25th, 2008
You guys sound just like us. One of us will blow (usually me) and the other fixes it pretty much right away. Gotta love a good marriage. xoxo
January 25th, 2008
oooh, he’s a keeper.
I hate days like that, but I love the book “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.” I read it to my kids all the time, to remind all of us that we ALL have bad days sometimes.
Even in Australia.
January 25th, 2008
That’s why I never call the dentist.
No really, you captured a slice of life perfectly. Thank goodness for take out and the I love you’s.
January 25th, 2008
This resounded with me this morning. I’ve been sick as a dog all week. Balancing things with my niece and nephew, my boyfriend, and my job, along with the eighty other million things that need to get done that are priorities each week (and ignoring the mound of laundry in the meantime) is a struggle, at best. I like how you said it- “given the fact that the only things I could focus on for any length of time are a) how shitty I felt and b) how shitty I felt”. That’s me, completely. Luckily I have someone wonderful I can blow up at, and diffuse with as well.
January 25th, 2008
As hellish as that sounded (and it sounded pretty hellish), I am sitting here envying you.
I wish my husband was home more often to annoy me and then tell me he loves me.
Sniff.
January 25th, 2008
It’s great that you have an understanding husband who tries to understand at times. Motherhood can be trying, but the rewards are great (although, some moments it is hard to remember that). :)
January 25th, 2008
((((HUGS))))
I hope you’re feeling better soon!
and I’m glad that Dave was able to be understanding. Tho if we could find a way to make them *shut up* before they cause us to boil over, that’d be great…
January 25th, 2008
When my Dave and I argue (which thankfully isn’t that often) we argue a lot like that – one of us gets upset and storms off, and the other always knows just when to follow to make things better (or at least so we can talk and work things out). Hope the cold is better – I know right now even walking on hard surfaces hurts my sinuses.
January 25th, 2008
Here’s what I’m thinking: as soon as you feel better, you jump that man’s bones. Twice.
January 25th, 2008
hugs, woman ;)
January 25th, 2008
“…death smeared on toast…” Love it.
Also love ‘The Time Traveller’s Wife’. It’s one of my favourite books ever. Such a fabulous idea and so beautifully written. Enjoy!
January 25th, 2008
oh babe. this is the real stuff.
January 25th, 2008
And so it goes. No kidding.
January 25th, 2008
Hello Mamatulip I had a very similar heated discussion with my husband way too early this morning and boy do they hear everything. At the end of me asking for a little more help (sleep) than I’ve had at previous weeks/weekends with the kids, my 3 year old (almost 4) look up at me and said”don’t worry Mommy I can be the Daddy” very sweet but oh the guilt of discussing something adult in front of the the small people. So don’t worry I think we have all had a few SHUT UP! moments. I love your blog I stumbled across it the other day while doing some medicinal blog surfing. You are definitely bookmarked.
I hope your head, face, throat, etc.. feel better soon:)
January 25th, 2008
Wow. You mean that when you’re married, little bluebirds don’t flit around your heads as you speak?
As a single woman, I am stunned. Stunned.
January 26th, 2008
These last two posts were beauties. ;) So. Much. Love.
You shouldn’t feel bad until one of them says, “Fuck that, daddy!” (Ahem.)
;)
:)
January 26th, 2008
Wow, how did you train him so well?
Last week when I was sick with a 104 degree fever and massive chest infection (ick), all I was asked was “what is for dinner”? Nevermind that I also had to do a 16 hour shift at the hospital that night.
January 26th, 2008
Marriage and motherhood summed up in a few hundred words. Hope you are on the mend, friend.
January 26th, 2008
We’ve been through SO many of those here since the bambina. Kids bring all kinds of things, not the least of which are germs and craziness.
xoxo
January 26th, 2008
Oh, I can so relate…. I mean, to the chaos and the obnoxiousness all ’round….
But, Dave’s amazing. He knew just how to handle things. Josh hasn’t quite figured that out yet…. ;)
January 26th, 2008
I wish you lived closer. Your reality is so similar to what mine was. The juggling of the time and no one to help. It can be so freaking hard.
You made me think of the Nick Lowe song So it Goes.
January 27th, 2008
Wait…are you sure you’re not really me and Dave’s not my husband? I mean…this whole conversation is giving me deja vu.
January 27th, 2008
Awwww, you guys have this marriage thing down to a fine art. Hope you’re feeling better.
January 27th, 2008
I’ve been married for 26 years. We still have those moments but they pass and we go on. I have learned to say ” I AM SICK. LEAVE ME ALONE” Sometimes it works and sometimes the response is “so, are you cooking dinner?” Life.
January 27th, 2008
The mark of a solid marriage is knowing you can yell “Shut up!” at your spouse and have them come in to tell you they’re sorry you’re feeling whatever possessed you to say it in the first place.
John remarked to me last week that I probably say “Shut up!” or “As if!” or “F*ck off!” (in a “Shut up!” kind of way) to him more than I say “I love you.” Does this bug him? Nope. He knows the I Love You’s count for way more. :)
January 27th, 2008
Wow, you’re really a horrible wife and mother and terrible sample of humanity, unlike the rest of us, who are all perfect and just waiting for the Pope to canonize us based on our blog posts. ;)
But that’s not why I’m leaivng a comment. The REAL reason I’m leaving this comment is that this is a sublime piece of writing about a mundane event. It’s ART. You’re brilliant–even when sick and exhausted. Never doubt yourself as a writer. Ever.
And now I’ll just SHUT UP. ; )
January 28th, 2008
I love this story! Not that you are feeling so bad obviously, but the way you and Dave are to each other. Your love is clear all the time and that is awesome.
January 28th, 2008
Hope you are feeling better.
This was a very nice post.
January 28th, 2008
And so it goes.
Exactly.
I know it sucks to fight…but the way you write it out is so….
*happy sigh*
January 31st, 2008
Hug x
January 31st, 2008
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