Last night after the kids were in bed Dave found a few pictures of Julia when she was around Oliver's age. We stood beside each other in the kitchen and looked at them in wistful, stunned silence. Our baby, our little girl…she's gotten so big, so fast. I stared at one picture of her sitting cross-legged on a blanket at the park, clad in a cheery yellow shirt, striped pants and matching sunhat with a half-eaten Arrowroot cookie in her hand, and the overwhelming urge to go upstairs and hug her washed over me.
I stared at the picture for a few more seconds. “I need to go up and hug her,” I said to Dave, and headed upstairs.
I thought by then she’d be asleep but she wasn't, so I got in bed with her. We were having a sweet moment together, snuggling and laughing, and then she turned to me and waved her fisted hand in the air in front of my face. One of her fingers was sticking out and she had a sneaky grin on her face.
I looked at her, confused. I couldn’t shake the feeling that she was up to something. “What are you doing, sweetie?”
She kind of jabbed her finger in the air and said, “I'm doing what you do to Daddy.”
It’s no secret that I swear a lot – It’s just who I am. My eyes are brown and my ears are pierced and I bite my nails and I have an affinity for profanities. If, in front of the kids, I get mad at Dave or we’re joking around and I want to dish him out a nice “fuck you”, which is often, I give him the finger so I’m not swearing in front of Julia.
And then it hit me: Julia was giving me the finger.
I burst out laughing. I couldn't help it. I laughed so hard I had tears rolling down my cheeks, which didn’t help – Julia was thrilled that she was getting such a reaction out of me and started poking me with her middle finger. And for the life of me, I couldn't think of anything proper and motherly to say to her about it. I stammered something along the lines of “No…Julia…now, honey…don't do that in front of anyone but Mummy…that's really not a very nice gesture…” but I was sending her totally mixed messages: Don't do this, it’s not a nice thing to do, but it's hysterical and will reduce your mother to tears and leave her gasping for breath.
Of course, Dave came up to see what all the fuss was about and burst out laughing when she flipped him off too but he regained his composure much faster than I did (I was still wiping my tears away with the bed sheet) and distracted her by showing her how to play Paper/Rock/Scissors, a stroke of sheer brilliance. Julia and I had a few matches and just when I thought I'd distracted her enough from her newfound talent, she flashed me a sly little grin and gave me the finger again.
A cascade of giggles bubbled up my throat. I took a deep breath and tried hard to sound serious. “Julia, honey…Mummy doesn't do that anymore. It was just one time I did that,” I said, rather pathetically.
She looked at me, completely deadpan, and very matter-of-factly said, “No, Mummy. You do this every day.”
BUSTED.
When I left her room, I paused in her doorway, turned around, waved at her and blew her a kiss.
And she gave me the finger.
60 Comments, Comment or Ping
i can TOTALLY see her doing this to you….you are sooo entirely BUSTED. Hopefully she’ll just flip you the bird…and not say her teachers or MIL
January 12th, 2007
Give em an inch and they will take a mile.
littlegirl asked me what FUCK meant over the holidays. She asked in front of relatives….thankfully very cooool relatives.
I told her that it was a swear word and asked her where she had heard it already knowing the answer she would give. “from you mummy” she said. Ok I said, you are right I should not use that word, and if i do not please don’t either. lets do that together ok? Then under her breath a minute later: fuckfuckfuckfuck in a singsong.
Totally busted. Mr Mumma says I swear like a trucker.
Can’t wait to read the post about when Julia gets sent to the principals office for giving the finger. Just tell her to do it to the bullies.
so funny.
January 12th, 2007
That? Is an awesome story. I love how micheivous she was being, sly little grin and all. What an absolute cutie!
January 12th, 2007
See this is just like farting, it’s funny. You can’t help it. Farts are funny. But you don’t want your kid to be known as “swampass” at school and get into trouble for something like that. I like when parents are just people with their kids. Burps and toots are allowed, as long as you say excuse me and don’t fart in daddy’s mouth while he’s yawning. Kids can relax around Mom and Dad as long as they understand outside the house, we act right.
This is a great story, whenever your kids make you laugh into tears, that’s a good thing.
And I’m giving you the finger too. But smiling.
January 12th, 2007
That is AWESOME! You mean that’s not my job as a parent?
I have the same problem. I’m the worst for getting the laughs with my kids when I should be teaching them a lesson or letting them getted settled to sleep.
January 12th, 2007
OMG….LOLOLOLOLOLOL
That is just flippin’ hysterical. HYSTERICAL!
Busted. ;)
January 12th, 2007
I would have laughed until I cried, too. If the cat’s out of the bag anyway, I think the inside the house/outside the house distinction sounds like a good idea.
January 12th, 2007
HAHAHAH!! Ok, now if I had kids, they’d totally give me the finger. Too bad you didn’t get a picture of THAT. Talk about a vision to remember later on!
January 12th, 2007
So far, the worst (or best?) thing Sadie’s going to have to learn the correct context for, is ‘dumbass’.
(so far)
January 12th, 2007
LMAO. I would have done the same thing… Laughed, that is. Not given you the finger. My Mom used to throw a fit every time I stuck my tongue out at her. I can’t imagine what she would have done if I’d flicked her off.
January 12th, 2007
That is the funniest thing I’ve heard all day. I can just picture a sweet little baby flipping you off. Too funny.
A few weeks ago I was putting Emma’s toddler bed together and she was “helping me.” We both had screw drivers and I accidentally dropped mine and said Damn it! She threw hers down and shouted Dammy! Couldn’t stop laughing…luckily, she only said it that one night. She’s been a good girl since then.
January 12th, 2007
LOL!! Oh yeah, that’s going to go over well in pre-kindergarten!
January 12th, 2007
That. is just superb. As you know.
(I bite my nails too.)(and swear)(in business meetings).
January 12th, 2007
Ah yes, I was wondering how long it would take the young Genius in your family to come to terms with the wonders of “sign language.” If it makes you feel any better, I dropped the F-bomb in fromt of one of my favourite students. He found this absolutely hilarious while I actually found this to be utterly reprehensible!!! Ah well, we learn from our mistakes, or our gestures…
January 12th, 2007
sometimes I have a proclivity for laughing out loud, the sound bouncing around the kitchen, when I read your posts.
this one is certainly no exception.
and thanks, because I needed a laugh today. :)
January 12th, 2007
HA HA HA! ;)
Caitlin is obsessed with talking about tooting. She will fart and belch like a sailor. I am trying to instill in her that this is really not proper for “big school” this fall as I am secretly terrified she is going to be the class farter and belcher.
Awesome. (Not that I fart in front of her or anything…ahem.)
January 12th, 2007
:) That is so funny. You could just put your three fingers up together and tell Dave to “read between the lines!” Just hope she does not do that to her teacher next year! Hahaha!
January 12th, 2007
OMG. LMFAO!!!! That’s hilarious… almost as funny as the time my friends 3 year old called me a dumb fuck! OMG, I almost died I was laughing so hard… then realized – hey he’s talking about ME!
January 12th, 2007
I love Julia. Truly, truly love her.
January 12th, 2007
This is my first visit to your blog and I don’t remember when I last laughed this hard. Oh yeah, it’s when my little one called me an S.O.B. in public in front of my mom (who went into shock, as we don’t swear).
January 13th, 2007
I think we would get along great in real life.
January 13th, 2007
Lovely. Imitation is a form of flattery! :) Aren’t you flattered? Too funny!
January 13th, 2007
THAT is hilarious!! I would’ve died laughing too!
Just wait till she smacks you on the butt as she walks by cuz she watches daddy do it all the time. (yeah, that’s my boy!)
Fun times, fun times.
January 13th, 2007
Very funny story! We also have a lot of toot talk around here – it’s just hysterical! My kids have tried a few swear words, but hopefully they won’t see the gesture for a while! So funny…
January 13th, 2007
Completely classic! Isn’t it odd how we TRY to control ourselves when we are supposed to be “good parents”, but man, isn’t part of it enjoying the kids growing up.
I know how you are sad. Sometimes it is hard to look at pictures of when they were little because the tears come. They are so glad to grow up and we miss them when they were little. And it happens so gosh darn fast!
January 13th, 2007
wow, that is so classic… love it. =)
January 13th, 2007
FUCK!!!! I’m laughing my ass off.
Just yesterday (no shit, for real!) I took my best friend’s almost three yr old out to lunch with me to the local diner in our small town. Said best friend was stuck in the small town doc’s office, where she was hugely uncomfortable and very pregnant. She was joining us later…
Being the cool auntie I am, I taught my little friend how to flip the bird. Thinking this is very funny. She mastered it, I laughed and a new game was created.
The waitress came by, and little friend flipped her the bird. I was mortified, but the waitress laughed and it was all cool.
My ADOPTION case worker came by and said friend flipped her the bird. I was mortified but told my case worker that my little friend had bad parents. It was kinda cool.
Little friend’s mother ran into her mother (the GRANDMA) and invited her to lunch with us. (Side note: Grandma carries a tomahawk and is willing to use it, plus she is a conservative christian…)Mom and Grandma walk in and little friend sees her momma and gramma and you guessed it: FLIPPED THEM THE BIRD.
Not cool. But hysterically funny. Mom laughed but I was just about scalped by Grandma.
Next lunch, I’m gonna teach her to make a v with her two fingers by her mouth and wiggle her tongue between the fingers.
Just because I can, and she’s not my kid.
So you can be mommy of the year, but I have a lock on auntie of the year….
January 13th, 2007
That’s your Grrrl!
January 13th, 2007
I SO want a picture of her doing this!!! Of course, my contrary nature means that I refuse to curb my language around my little one (he is still too young to ape me right now). I have heard my attitude will change the first time I hear the f-word out of his mouth, but for now this is my view on swearing and children. For some reason this has become one of those things that I refuse to give up now that I’m a parent.
http://writeabouthere.blogspot.com/2006/10/in-praise-of-blue-language.html
Have just redneck mommy’s comment and am laughing my ass off! That’s another photo I would just have to see (the v and the tongue thing that is…)
January 13th, 2007
I swear in front of my kids. I want to say I’m not proud of it, but I’m sorta proud that I’ve raised kids who a) never repeat what I say (unless in context and only occasionally) and b) will know how to swear in context when they’re older.
January 13th, 2007
Hehehe! Gosh – she is observant!!
January 13th, 2007
Oh, I’m laughing. This is something I could see myself writing. What a riot.
January 13th, 2007
OMG! I’m dying over here. I would have had the same reaction. That is one story that you’ll be retelling many times when Julia gets older.
Can you give her a squeeze for me too? Just for doing that and for bringing you such happiness.
January 13th, 2007
that was hilarious.
I had to tell my son, when I overheard him practising the word shit to himself at age 2 that he shouldn’t use that word it’s the angry word for poo. Now I say shooot instead. yesterday we got into my dad’s car with him and I said shoot about something I forgot, and my Boy says to me why did you just say shit? In front of my dad, who is offended by the word fart. I had to say fluff when I was a kid and my oldest is casually saying shit in front if him. ha ha
January 14th, 2007
Laughing my ass off here…..I have missed you so much, this is awesome to find you back here……shoot me, I’m slow and just figured it out.
I am so this kinda mama too…..thanks for sharing so much
January 14th, 2007
oh, sister…THIS is why I love coming here. Because you are so deliciously real in your approach to life and to motherhood…and it frees everyone else up to do the same.
rock it out, sister.
January 14th, 2007
We have no kids but I have no doubt that when they do come along I will be hearing compound swear words (motherfucker! Fucking hell!)by the time they’ve mastered “mummy” and “daddy.” I have no off button for swearing, and even if I started now I doubt that I’d be able to drop swearing by the time kids come around.
January 14th, 2007
We’re mother of the year together than! Me with my “shit”-saying monkey, and you with you bird-flipping Julia! Ha! Adorably hilarious. ‘Cept…you in trouble girl! ;)
January 14th, 2007
That is hilarious! Maybe, whe she woke up the next morning, you could say “oh that was just a bad dream” or something – oh so clever! It’s scary how observant our kids are sometimes!
I’m totally jealous that your daughter was in her own bed. *Sigh*
January 14th, 2007
THAT is so funny!
WHen my little guy was 2 he needed speech therapy cause he wasn’t talking… Even during the time he was receiving theraphy, I thought I was “safe” to let some words fly from time to time… Until one day I put him in the car while on the phone with my hubby. I put my son in the car, tried to start the car up and had some problems. Then I said, ‘Fucking Car!” The whole way home I heard, “bucking cah” over and over again…
January 14th, 2007
I read your “About me” section. I think I love you! Eh? (heehee.)
Its good to meet a fellow mommy with a potty mouth. And you have great taste in books, movies, music and kids’ names!
January 14th, 2007
i love it.
i really really love stories like this.
you are an awesome mom :]
hope you had a good weekend ♥
January 15th, 2007
LMAO.
That is one for the scrap books!
:)
January 15th, 2007
Oh my god! That is CLASSIC! Heehee!
January 15th, 2007
I can see the parent teacher conference now…
January 15th, 2007
This makes me feel so much better about when my 3 year old says “shit!” and “dammit”–all straight from my (potty) mouth.
January 15th, 2007
What a priceless story! Julia is a gem, and so are you and Dave!
January 15th, 2007
OMG! That was hilarious!!
When one of my boys was about two he was in the shopping cart and the wind caught it and I thought it was going to dent my mini-van (why did I care? It was a frickin’ mini-van but thats another story) and I said, “shit”. Well, all the way home I had to listen to a 2 year old say the word shit about 20 times and then laugh his head off.
January 15th, 2007
That is awesome! You will have to remember this story for when she is older. I bet she will laugh like crazy when you re-tell it to her!
January 15th, 2007
I am not allowed to laugh! I should have known better than to come by to get caught up on your blog. She is so damn cute … but you ARE the mother of the year!
January 15th, 2007
Too funny! We’ve already had some choice words from The Boy (thanks to my potty mouth), and he just turned two!
January 15th, 2007
AWESOME story!
Last night, we were looking at pictures of my step kids when they were small. They’re now 19 and 16. I didn’t know them when they were babies, so it just blows me away. Their dad just grins and grins.
January 15th, 2007
TOO fucking funny. How could you *not* crack up?
January 15th, 2007
That was priceless…thoroughly enjoyed that one.
Thanks for the laughs.
January 15th, 2007
Just think of it as teaching her a valuable tool to use when she gets cut off in traffic. Much more effective and soul-satisfying than leaning on the horn.
January 15th, 2007
I’ve been worried that my daughter would be making devil horns at preschool. I wish they went to school together so that could equally shock the teachers.
January 16th, 2007
OMG that is so hilarious… when it’s someone else… I would have a fit if it was Pumkinpie and I know she’s at the point to be picking this stuff up too, so I’ve been makingsure to change my habits to ridiculous but way more acceptable alternatives. Like, um, “Jeepers Creepers” – which my great-grandpa used to say. I sound like an old man now! God, this parenting thing takes you down in so many ways, doesn’t it?
January 16th, 2007
I always feel lost in the comment bucket, but I just had to say I loved this.
January 16th, 2007
I love this story! My 20 month old is saying ‘oh shit’ at the most appropriate times and while i am dying to laugh I cannot help but feel terrible for having let him hear me say it!!! Hope you dont mind me linking up to you.
January 18th, 2007
OMG that is, like, the best thing I’ve read in a while!
Thank you for that!
January 22nd, 2007
Reply to “Mother of the Year right here…”