We were in the car on our way to get Julia’s soccer team photos taken when she piped up from the backseat, “Who’s taking Oliver swimming tomorrow?”
“I think I will, because Mommy doesn’t want to go in the pool yet,” Dave said, opening a can of worms most men shy away from.
Most men.
“Why?” Julia asked.
“Well, Mommy wants to wait until she’s…uh, until her, uh, friend leaves.”
“What friend? Who?”
Dave shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “Uh, well, I guess it’s not really a friend, eh?” He shot me a nervous look. “Mommy has to wait until she’s fixed. No…until she’s…finished. Cured.”
I guffawed. “Cured?”
“Wait. No. Not cured…crap, babe, how do you say your period is over?”
“When I’m finished menstruating?” I offered.
“Right. Mommy has to wait until she’s finished menstruating.” He cleared his throat and gripped the wheel a bit harder. “You and your womanly things,” he muttered.
“Hey, you brought this one on yourself,” I smiled.
I get a kick out of watching him squirm sometimes.
57 Comments, Comment or Ping
Heh. Yeah, my husband does that annoying thing where everytime I’m on the phone, he asks “Who’s that? What are you talking about? Tell her I said…” Etc. So lately, when he starts in with his annoyingness, I just switch the conversation to anything feminine: “So, I tried out those new super tampons and…” Suddenly, I get a little privacy.
July 11th, 2006
I hope he doesn’t mind that I think it is hilariously that he stumbled over menstruation. Julie’s a girl too! She doesn’t need sugar-coated terms like Aunt Flo.
July 11th, 2006
I meant JuliA, I swear.
July 11th, 2006
Squirm!!! That is funny. My husband wouldn’t even bring up the topic or say the word or walk in the same grocery aisle as a tampon!!
July 11th, 2006
Men crack me up!
July 11th, 2006
Cured? oh the fun you could have with that one… I sometimes love to see them sweat! Hee hee…
July 11th, 2006
Here’s a wee site just for Dave…
It should have help him for next month…
http://www.mum.org/words.html
July 11th, 2006
That is hilarious! lol Cured…. indeed!
My husband isn’t shy about talking about all that kind of stuff. The only thing he refuses to do is carry the box of tampons to the checkout counter… hehe
July 11th, 2006
Yah, the Pirate used to be like that… but as the kid aged, he gave up and learned to speak about these things objectively and accurately. This had less to do with having to take the kid along while picking up The Supplies at the store, or our having a small and cupboardless enough bathroom that I had no choice but to store The Supplies out in the open than it had to do with him being involuntarily witness to my having to deal with various Discussions with the kid about things like STD’s, masturbation, how a condom is properly used and why, how one decides when one is ready for sex, how to kiss a girl for the first time, etc. (we homeschool, so I can’t pass this stuff on to a hapless teacher at school)
After a while, talking about mom’s period just doesn’t seem like that big a deal… better than having to help her explain effective foreplay & what makes a good lover!
July 11th, 2006
Men.
And their man-stuff.
July 11th, 2006
(snicker) – make him squirm
July 11th, 2006
Oohhh. I can’t wait for the squirming to begin at my place.
July 11th, 2006
Yeah poor Alan is constantly reminded that he is surrounded by women, except for our dog Jack. At least Dave and Oliver can go out and do manly he-man stuff when things get too estrogeny (yeah I made that word up). :)
July 11th, 2006
“Friends, I got nothin’ but friends!”
Men are funny.
July 11th, 2006
John wouldn’t bat an eye. He’d probably bring out flow charts (pun intended) and graphs to explain it.
I like posts where men squirm!
July 11th, 2006
Cured, eh? Ha! If only it were that easy. At least he didn’t say that your Aunt Flo was visiting.
July 11th, 2006
I wish I was “cured” right now! :)
July 11th, 2006
When Pookie and I got married, I had a 14 year old and a 12 who I’d been very honest with concerning matters of the body and reproduction. I thought the poor man was going to have a nervous breakdown when it came to discussing these things.
Luckily, he cowboyed up. Because if I had to watch him wince at the word ‘tampon’ one more time, I would have covered him in honey and Tampax while he slept just to see him completely lose his mind when he woke up.
Oh, and if there is a cure, I would like a permanent one, please. One that doesn’t involve hot flashes and hormone flucuations would be nice.
July 11th, 2006
hahahahahah!!!!!! priceless!!!!!!
July 11th, 2006
Yeah, Terrance and Dave should hang out and stutter over women things. Make Dave tell Julia what the penis is used for…
July 11th, 2006
Daddies are so silly… and I am so glad that my children can’t talk yet. I can’t even fathom what my 18 month old twins are going to come up with.
July 11th, 2006
Too funny! Well, at least he tried!
July 11th, 2006
My friend Heather calls it the “ladies bicycle”!
July 11th, 2006
My husband squirms about my period too. He says it’s when I’m “sick”. I have explained to him numerous times I’m not “sick”, but he says it’s because the whole thing is gross, or sick I guess.
He’s a wuss.
July 11th, 2006
hahahahahaha! what a goof!
July 11th, 2006
Ha! I’ve had to explain why my pee-pee is red.
Go with the truth. Those 50-cent words like menstruation confuse ‘em such that they stop asking questions.
July 11th, 2006
I love to do that to my menfolk. Just today I threw out the word period for my 13 year old boy just to watch him squirm.
“Your friend” doesn’t Dave know its a relative, Aunt Flo??
July 11th, 2006
My dumbass husband had a previous relationship in which the self-proclaimed voodoo priestess nutjob called it “visitors from within.” So the first time he broke that shit out, he got educated quickly … now he no longer gets pale and shaky when he hears “period” … such progress!
July 11th, 2006
Woo hoo! It’s kind of rewarding to see men get uncomfortable about menstruation sometimes. Just makes up for us being uncomfortable once a month. A little bit, anyway.
July 11th, 2006
Hah hilarious! Make ‘em squirm!
July 11th, 2006
Lol, just wait till he has two women menstrating at the same time.
a.
July 11th, 2006
LOL- tongue tied!! Men become uncomfortable when they are talking about women menstruating yet they’re all big and strong and stuff. It cracks me up!
July 11th, 2006
Cured? Are you a piece of bacon? Fixed? Like as in veterinary medicine? Heh heh…this made me chuckle so much! My husband and I have been together for 18 years…he still can’t talk about “that”….
July 11th, 2006
See, J and I are still all about the confusion a.k.a. “avoidance” with Mimi (shameful, but true). We’d probably make up some elaborate story to explain why I wouldn’t go in the pool. Of course that might work right up until Mimi followed me into the bathroom…
July 11th, 2006
Snort! Nice…LMAO! I’m really sure my husband wouldn’t have even *touched* that one.
July 11th, 2006
Hee hee. Why do I think you won’t quietly leave a clinical book in Julia’s room to explain the facts of life?! :)
July 11th, 2006
Ahahahaha! Cured?!?!?
July 11th, 2006
Hahha! I love it! Men are so funny. Did you read my recent post about buying tampons and the guy at the store FREAKING about it? LOL Crazies.
July 11th, 2006
Too funny. But he did bring it on himself. Poor guy!
July 11th, 2006
yeah, well, I NEVER want to get in the pool, so I guess Misterpie is off the hook for ever having to try to talk his way around that one… He’s not too squeamish, but I think he would find it pretty embarrassing to have to talk to our DAUGHTER about it. I think “those” talks will be all my domain.
July 12th, 2006
Cured! That’s hilarious. I wish I could be cured. Who needs Aunt Flo? (Check back with me post-menopause to see if I’m happy with the cure.)
July 12th, 2006
Ha! You’ve got a real trooper there. I don’t think my husband has ever even said the “M” word.
July 12th, 2006
It’s a better reason than mommy has gotten fat and refuses to get into a bathing suit or a pool.
July 12th, 2006
so funny…esp since he’s the one that brought it up… why are men so uncomfortable with it… they knew about it when they signed up for us… what’s the big deal…i’d but condoms, jock strap…whatever if they were asking or put it on the grocery list…… its really not that big a deal….. when Rick (my now husband) and I had just started dating we had to stop at WalMart on the way to my house when he was going to meet my mom for the first time….he wanted to know why we needed to stop so despartly…I tried to hum and haw around it..but he soon figured it out…and said “Ya know if we are going to get married you are going to have to just tell me….its not a big deal…” whew…. i knew he was just about the best guy in the world!!!! xo lyns
July 12th, 2006
A moment that would never occur in our household, because my husband will never, ever refer to that particular miracle of nature, expect under the most extreme circumstances.
Laughing, laughing, laughing….
July 12th, 2006
I get where you’re coming from. I live in a house of ALL males and though it’s easier to explain away some of the estrogen-related things to older guys (who probably already know)…I still feel isolated sometimes. Like a person with a rare, but curable, disease.
July 12th, 2006
Cured? I prefer ‘pickled’.
July 12th, 2006
Boys are silly.
July 12th, 2006
balls balls balls. gotta have balls.
July 12th, 2006
My husband can’t bring himself to say Vagina. He told me once that he had put Aquaphor “on Kaitlyn’s, um, lips.” I’m thinking her lips are chapped? No, he says, pointing downward, “her lips.
I said say it with me honey, laaay-beee-uhhh.
July 12th, 2006
Cured! Ha ha, like menstruating is an illness! Funny.
Men can be so juvenile sometimes!!
July 12th, 2006
i just like the fact that he felt the need to give a medical explanation for you not wanting to go in the pool, instead of just avoiding the issue. but any excuse to make them say “menstruate” is good in my book;-)
July 12th, 2006
Insert foot. Chew. Hmmm… tasty?
I’d almost say poor guy but then he doesn’t have to wait until he’s “cured.” But you could get him fixed.
July 12th, 2006
“cured” just about killed me… & “fix” was pretty damn funny too! maybe next time he’ll just stick with the all purpose, “because”!
July 12th, 2006
I’m sure everyone has said this. Whatever.
I’m totally, TOTALLY cracking up. I’m the original giggle-monster.
That shit’s funny. :p
July 13th, 2006
He-he!
After having explained the same phenomenon to my oldest son…he now asks, “Mom, are you done bleeding out your vagina, yet?”
Yeah, can’t wait for him to announce that fact to his kindergarten class!!
July 14th, 2006
He should have said you were getting your monthly oil change. ;)
July 17th, 2006
Reply to “The facts of life”