Julia and I were in the bathroom a couple of nights ago, she in the shower, me pressed up against the mirror plucking my eyebrows, when out of nowhere she says,
“Mummy, are you and Daddy getting separated?”
I nearly tweezed my eyeball right out my head, y’all.
“What?” I didn't even try to keep the shrill out of my voice.
From behind the shower curtain, the same question: “Are you and Daddy getting separated?”
Oh shit, I thought. Did she overhear us arguing? Did she hear somebody say something?
“Uh, no, I mean, um, no…” I stammered. “Why would you ask me a thing like that? Did you hear someone talking about that?”
“No,” I heard her say.
“Did someone at school talk to you about their parents separating?” Maybe one of her friends’ parents is splitting up, I thought.
“Nooooooo, Mom,” she drawled, her voice laced with exasperation. “We’re learning about all the different kinds of families at school.”
I breathed a quiet sigh of relief. “Oh, okay,” I said, relaxing against the counter. “And to answer your question, sweetie, no, your father and I aren’t separating,” and when she poked her head out from behind the shower curtain, I made a face at her and stuck my tongue out.
Most of the kids in her class live in a house with their parents, she said. I told her that when I was her age, my parents were separated – divorced, eventually – which she knew, but didn’t fully comprehend, I don’t think, until that point.
“They were?” She sounded almost incredulous.
“Yup,” I said. “I lived with Gramma, and saw Papa on weekends,” I explained.
“Ooooohhh,” she said slowly – I could hear the wheels turning in her head – “they were separated…”
She was quiet after that, and I turned back toward the mirror and peered at my eyebrow. And then, from behind the shower curtain:
“Who left who?”
And for the second time that evening, I nearly removed my eyeball with my tweezers. I mean, I tell my six-year-old daughter that my parent separated when I was a little girl and she asks me who left who?! GOOD GOD. Couldn’t she have just asked me how the baby gets in the Mummy’s tummy instead?
17 Comments, Comment or Ping
I swear our kids are in the same school. Mine just finished that unit on the different kinds of families too. Sadly, she knows all the answers: her aunt and uncle are in the middle of a divorce, and the uncle is planning his re-marriage. Many of the kids in her class are part of a shared custody arrangment. At six years old. It makes me sad, even though it is none of my business.
On the bright side, neither of my girls can even relate to the possibility that their family could ever split up. It’s as if they understand the mechanics and the reality of divorce, but it is something that only happens in another world. It feels kind of great to be able to give them that kind of certainty in their little lives.
December 10th, 2009
LOL! BubTar came home and asked me about S-E-X the other day…evidently a boy in his class wrote it on a piece of paper and told him that sometimes people get on top of each other and wiggle around. Dear God, that is not how I thought the subject would come up.
December 10th, 2009
She is too smart for her own good. I love this story.
December 10th, 2009
I was always left off guard when Skye would ask me about my relationship with her father. She inquired way too young for the truth and I didn’t want to tarnish whatever views she might of had about him.
Someone once told me if they’re old enough to ask, they’re old enough to know. Some things are just hard to explain in ways they could grasp fully.
Your daughter is one bright little lady. (Hugs)Indigo
December 10th, 2009
LOL Great story! My hubby’s parent’s divorced when he was young. Explaining why one set of grandparents lives together and the other doesn’t has been tricky. And then the questions about divorce….I’m with you. Give me the questions about the baby in the tummy any day. :-)
December 10th, 2009
awkward but …smart girl!
December 10th, 2009
Smart chicka. She takes after her mum.
December 10th, 2009
Julia RCCKS. And I heard a rumour that the baby question’ll be tomorrow. ;)
December 10th, 2009
That would be ROCKS, not RCCKS. D’oh.
December 10th, 2009
heh. Oh, listen: My kids are starting to ask why my mom and dad never got married! Because I had to tell them that much, because my mom got so OFFENDED when my son asked why they were not “still married”. As if she would never never MARRY that SOB! LOL! So I was all, thanks mom. Now I have to tell them how you slept around…which means I have to tell them what that means… So far I have gotten around it, but not for long, I think.
Also, my son asks me why my last name was different from my dad’s…So how do I tell them, um, gee, actually Grandpa is not my dad. Grandma was reeeeallly a slut, son, and she didn’t know who my dad was at first…LMAO! See?? It is only going to get WORSE around here!!!!
:)
December 10th, 2009
It amazes me when small people talk like real people. I’m constantly astounded by the intelligence of young children, while being constantly astounded by the stupidity of adults…
December 10th, 2009
Smart cracker that girl of yours. Maybe you’d be better off doing something less hazardous to your eyeballs when having a conversation with her.
December 11th, 2009
Oh dear. that is round one to Julia I think.
Next round – Birds and the Bees:
“Well Julia it is time that we talked about how babies are made and sex.”, “OK Mom, so what do you want to know?”
December 13th, 2009
She is such a great girl and so bright! Perhaps you need to lock yourself in when attempting anything remotely hazardous to your person when she is around ;)
December 13th, 2009
They know. They sure do know. Sometimes they know stuff before we even do.
Pluck with glasses. Watch those eyeballs.
xo
erin
December 13th, 2009
i think i want to hang out with your kid. :)
December 14th, 2009
I had the same feeling when, during a time of marital tension at home, my 13-year-old son handed me a refrigerator magnet that said, “My parents got a divorce and I got custody of both of them.”
December 15th, 2009
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